Who heals the healer?

I for the life of me did not figure out this one yet!
If I did, I would be Enlightened already!
I wrestle with myself,
I know most of the time what I ought to do.
However, I don’t yet know how to get myself to do it.
I go from one teacher to another,
Like a sponge I am ready to absorb,
All and every wisdom they want to share with me
I get up and leave their classrooms,
Feeling that I am better than before,
Yet, I am still not free.
Back to myself,
I just sit here,
Not doing much and not feeling great.
Though the fears are less,
I am still at lost.
Who am I?
What am I to do?
Yes! When I heal others I do feel at peace!
I feel I am who I ought to be!
When I teach,
The students bring the best out of me!
When I help,
The one who seems to be in need,
Gives me, a Godly me!
Yet, when it is done and over with!
And I am back to myself,
I neither feel Best nor Godly.
I just sit here.
I dreamed about having a Master,
Who would show me.
Yet, it never manifests,
It seems as if I am banned to be a loner!
In my quest for who I want to be!
Yearning, I am craving the connection!

© Copyright 2003, Najat Fares Kessler, all rights reserved.